(Anywhere but) Amarillo by morning

   We set out from Dallas around noon on Thursday and headed for Amarillo. Allison and I were skeptical about what Amarillo had to offer us, but Meredith insisted we were in for a good time. Meredith was wrong. Amarillo is the creepy butt-crack of Texas. We stopped to get gas just outside of Amarillo and decided it was definitely the town that "The Hills Have Eyes" was filmed in. We spent a good amount of time contemplating why there are so many songs about Amarillo…only to assume it's because there is NOTHING else to do there but write songs about it.

The only fun thing we had planned in Amarillo was Cadillac Ranch on Route 66, which is an art installation that was created in 1974 to show the evolution of the tail fin on Cadillacs made between 1949-1963. So basically it's 10 really old Cadillacs half-way sticking out of the ground that people steal parts off of and spray paint. So never ones to forgo a touristy activity, we went to the local Weird-mart…I mean Walmart to buy some spray paint. We arrived at Cadillac Ranch around sunset which was unplanned but beautiful! We found the perfect spot to paint "Nins love L.A." (our nickname for each other since high school has been Ninny, FYI), but apparently one of the other tourists did not share our sentiment and de-faced our artwork with frowny faces about 2 minutes later. Eh well. 

Ninnies with our beautiful artwork! 

message to my hubby!

Our tainted masterpiece!

      

   Once we were done there, we went and checked into our hotel and decided we would go get some dinner at "The Big Texan Steak Ranch" after being lured by the promise of a free 72 oz steak and the giant cow out front. What can I say, we are easy to please. We sat at the bar, ate dinner, played hang-man, and drank our Texas sized beers through straws (keeping it classy). 

Clown face hayyy

  

After dinner we wandered into the restaurant's gift shop where we found the most amazing item that has ever graced the the face of the earth (that is a fact, not an opinion). The TEXAS TURD BURD. Why does this exist? I don't know. What kind of poo is it? I don't know. Why didn't I buy this? I DON'T KNOW! biggest. regret. ever. Meredith and Allison couldn't quite grasp the sheer magnificence of this un-identified fecal creature, but we still speak of Turd Burd fondly and often. Sigh.

I'll always love you turd burd

    We left Amarillo on Friday morning and decided to skip over the Teec-nos-pos stop and drive 11 hours straight to arrive at the Grand Canyon at sunset. This was a LONG day, but we somehow managed to survive 11 hours in the car together and were still speaking to each other when we arrived in Arizona. It also helped that once we were out of Texas, the scenery was beautiful! 


    All of the hotels near the Grand Canyon were way over-priced, so we decided to stay an hour south in Williams, AZ for the night. It was raining in AZ when we arrived, so that pretty much ruined any hope of watching the sunset at the Grand Canyon, not to mention that would be another 2 1/2 hours in the car there and back, so that plan was quickly nixed. Instead, we did what we do best…sat in our hotel room, drank until we had the giggles, played cards, and watched Jersey Shore on the computer. "When in Williams" as they say. 

   
    Saturday morning we walked around the small downtown area of Williams, which actually up-staged Amarillo if you can believe it, and marveled at how great our hair looked in the non-humid Arizona air. It's the small things that make us happy.

classy.

sassy honey badgers

   Once we did a little souvenir shopping, we drove an hour to the Canyon that is Grand. We did not have a happy welcome to this grand place…in fact, it is the closest I've come to pulling out my mace on someone other than Meredith and Allison the whole trip. So when you arrive at the G.C., there is a sign that explains the price of admission for different groups. We found something that said "non-commercial vehicle per person- $8." That sounds correct, right? So I pulled up to the booth and handed this troll of a man $8 in cash for Meredith and Allison's debit card to put the other $16 on. The conversation unfolded as follows:

Stacey- "There is $8 in cash for one and the rest will go on the card." 

Troll- (in the most disgusted and attitudish tone EVER) "Where did you get $7 from?? It's $25 per car" 

Stacey- (in a confused about why he can't count tone) "Sir, that is $8, we thought the sign said $8 per person."

Troll- "Um no, it's $25 per VEHICLE." (insert the most slow, condescending tone you've ever heard…as if he cannot comprehend how we are not understanding this) 

Stacey- (insert my own condescending, angry tone) "Ok, we didn't know that, we don't work here. Maybe you could just explain it in a better way. Are you saying $8/pp AND $25 per vehicle??"

Troll- "No, it's just $25 per vehicle, you are not a bus." 

 
 All I can even do at this point is just hand him the card, mumble about what the attitude is about and shake my head in disbelief. This post will never do justice to the rudeness of this man…we were all stunned by what had just happened. We drove off and immediately regretted not filling his troll booth with pepper spray ALMOST as much as not buying the Texas Turd Bird. Almost. 

2007

   So after that lovely welcome, we were all psyched to be at the Grand Canyon! I had actually been to the G.C. before in 2007 with Adam and his family, but Allison and Meredith hadn't ever been before, so that was fun. When you first see it, it's almost hard to look at because there are so many dimensions and colors that it makes you cross-eyed, and being cross-eyed while standing 5 feet from the edge of a bottomless pit is not ideal. We were dressed in work-out clothes and tennis shoes, partly because we planned on hiking, but mostly because my Grandmother emailed to tell me we would most likely fall to our death if we didn't wear proper footwear. At any rate, the canyon was as grand and beautiful as it was the last time I saw it. We spent about 2 hours walking around, taking pictures, and being chased by overly aggressive squirrels which caused me a bout of PTSD (fun (?) fact: I was bitten by a squirrel when I was younger). And we finally got the elusive jumping picture we had been trying for since the failed Mississippi sign attempt…success!!

flying ninnies!! 

meredith was skerrred

allison being chased by the squirrel

   Allison also insisted we have the novelty "I'm falling off the rock" pictures, which I must admit, are a good time. 

After about 2 hours we were all hot and hungry like honey-badgers, so we headed back to the car and hit the road for the 4 1/2 hour trip to VEGAS BABY!!